The becoming is more important…


Art aside. Let’s talk life – specifically mine.

Alternative Second” is officially on the back burner for the holiday season. Honestly, I’m nervous about the decision; I fear I won’t finish the project strong. Though, I am promising myself I won’t let myself do anything besides pick it back up with the same amount of passion.

Christmas is a month away, and I already have two projects I need to begin. My first priority is a piece I will gift my mother for Christmas. For clarity sake, I can share this because it’s not suppose to be a surprise.

My second priority is a recent barter I made. I “met” Elaura on Instagram, a girl who, unlike me, can finish a knitted scarf. Shout-out to Elaura – her IG account is here!

We made an agreement to trade one of her custom scarves for one of my custom journals. Since I’ve never finished a crocheted/knitted scarf, I admire Elaura’s ability to complete one.

Her journal request is right-on, “…maybe something coffee related with cutesie girl cartoons or kitties?” Starbucks and kitties – I see what you’re doing, girl, and I respect that.

As for Starbucks, I am now an employee! Though, I’m not a barista yet. After not getting the hours I needed, I traded donuts for coffee.

The manager appeared to like me, and there was a positive vibe to the interview. It reminds me of this Tumblr post that I stand behind 100%. A short portion reads:

If you aren’t happy where you are, change it. Quit your job, move, become a vegetarian, get a new hobby, pick up an old hobby, whatever you do – make sure it benefits you. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing.

It’s the uplifting side to, “hate something? – shut up and change it”. I think an important element is “…make sure it benefits you”; this applies to the long-term “you”.

I have needed to find another job for a couple weeks, but it takes time. I realized the long-term me needed to stay at my current job until I could replace it. The long-term me realized I needed to give myself a chance and allow myself to be vulnerable.

I began pursuing a job at Starbucks a few months ago, and I faced my fear of rejection by applying and reapplying IN PERSON multiple times–always asking to see the manager. My insides whispered, “I don’t know what to do” for the past couple of weeks. No one can say it’s wrong not to know because it is okay!

The becoming is more important than the being, anyways.

I’m happy.

My life is like an essay, and I’m revising this dang draft every day. I hope it’s spectacular when it’s due.

One Comment

  1. Momma wrote:

    I am a strong advocate of “If you aren’t happy where you are, change it.” I also agree that life is short (I’m 41, and yesterday I swear I was 12.), and I want to live it with a passion–to make it worthy of the gift of life I’ve been given.

    On the other hand, I find working toward what benefits me is not an option in a world where “love” is my goal, and relationships (your daddy, you, your siblings, friends, extended family, etc…) are an integral part of the world I’ve created for myself.

    So, yes, I strive after my own interests, but at some point they end and the other parts of me–wife, mother, friend must appear–and that part only benefits me because it benefits others.

    I am not entirely happy where I am right now, but I can’t change/quit it–there are too many people who need me to be right where I am; my life is for the benefit of others for this season. What I CAN do is learn to live with joy within it–and that is perhaps the hardest task I’ve yet to learn.